3 Ways to Build a Tribe that Lasts
*A 2 Minute Read*
1- Intentionality is key.
Everyone wants to be the person someone else is asking out to coffee, so be the kind of person who does the asking. Be an initiator even when its scary. Even when it means having to adjust your schedule to make it work.
Deep friendships don’t happen in 1 month and they don’t happen on accident. After initiating a few hang outs, pay attention to who returns the favor. You can’t be the one always texting them, and neither can you expect someone else to be the one always remembering to call you. Friendships with a two way street will go the distance.
2- Ask real questions. Give real answers.
We’re all guilty of talking too much about ourselves sometimes. Real friends ask questions, and then they ask follow up questions, and then they ask follow up questions to the follow up questions. A real, deep friendship can’t stay in the ‘what did you do this weekend’ category for too long before going dry. Be a question asker. Be a listener. Don’t make their story about you. Then look for friends who do the same.
Being a listener is important, but that two way street thing is no joke if you want longevity. When a friend asks you a real question, be brave enough to give a real answer. Saying you’re fine when you aren’t fine robs you both of depth, and the privilege of going through hard stuff together. (This is the benefit of having a tribe, so enjoy it!)
3- Tell the truth. Be humble. Disagreeing isn’t the end.
Seems obvious, but this one gets tricky. Real life is challenging and hard and full of areas that are grey. We get a thousand messages a day that make it all too easy to start believing things that aren’t true about ourselves, about people, and about God.
Surround yourself with people who will remind you of the truth when you can’t see it. Tell you the truth even when you don’t want to hear it. The friends who will say the hard things with great compassion to your face are the friends who love you more than they love the friendship itself.
These are hard people to find, and hard people to be. But cultivating this ability creates friendships that can last a lifetime. If you can lovingly be honest with one another, maintaining enough humility to hear each other out even when you end up disagreeing, you can get through almost anything.
These are just a few of the things that have been helpful for me in building friendships in my own life. What about you? What are some things that have helped you build a tribe? I’d love to hear!
